If I Die Young
by gryffindork95
Summary: This is a letter George writes to Fred after the war


I wake up with a start. Breathing heavily, I reassure myself that it was all just a nightmare once again. Every night since Fred's death three and a half years ago, I've been having different renditions of the same nightmare, night after night. The nightmare merely consists of me watching Fred from the sideline, battle some Death Eater and as the curse hits him square in the chest, I see the light leave his eyes. Even though I wasn't really present when the tragic even really happened, I can still picture it clearly in my mind as if I were a fly surveying the scene from up above.

I pull myself together and wipe the tears from my eyes. Those damn things were always escaping nowadays. I go and shower before getting dressed, hoping it will make me tool more presentable. Mum wants me to go there for lunch and supper today because it's my day off for once. Reluctantly, I agreed and I'll probably regret it later.

When I get there, I'm surrounded by happy faces greeting me. Everyone is much more relaxed now that old Voldy is dead. We all sit down at the rickety, old table as Mum serves us a nice lunch consisting of cream of broccoli soup, and chicken. Oh how I miss her cooking.

Lunch is full of laughter and happiness but I assure you, mine was not genuine. How could I be happy if the one person I want to be here the most in the world is not and cannot be here? So I faked it, but I'm sure Mum could tell because after I was done eating and everyone else made their way to the sitting room, she stops me.

"Write him a letter." She says.

"Write who a letter?" I ask, knowing clearly who she's talking about but not wanting to admit it.

"Fred. Write him a letter telling him everything. It will do you some good. I've read in countless books that writing to a deceased family member or friend helps ease the pain and let the affected move on with their lives."

"Mum, that's ridiculous. I can't write so someone who isn't alive. They'll never receive the letter. What's the point in wasting all this energy?"

"Wasting energy?" she shrieks. "This is your brother were talking about. I highly doubt that you truly think this is wasting energy. You just don't want to admit that even though you're an adult now, you still need guidance and help from your mother."

I don't say a thing, because really. What can I say to that? She was exactly right, like always.

"George, honey, I need you to do this." Mum is saying to me, in a softer and consoling voice now than the one she was using before. "You need to let it all out. It's not healthy the way you're living you're life. I know we all miss him, and undoubtedly you miss him the most but it's time to move on, or at least try to."

I look up at her and see that she's crying. I stand up and pull her into a hug while rubbing her back. I've always been taller than her since I was fourteen, but now I tower over her so her head is resting awkwardly on my chest. "Mum, I don't think I'll be able to do it. This letter you want me to write to him, he will never read it."

Mum takes my hand and leads me over to the kitchen table where she summons over a quill, a fresh pot of ink and a roll of parchment. "But you still have to try." She says, leaving me at the table staring at the parchment with no expression.

I look down at the parchment with doubt, pick up the quill, and start to write.

_Dear__Fred,_

_ I know you're dead, and you'll never receive this letter in person, but Mum wanted me to try and write to you to see if it eases the pain I live with everyday._

_ I feel like it's my fault. I want you to know that I'm sorry I left you and went the other way. I should have stayed with you. Mum has told me several times how I shouldn't feel this. She says "It's not like you could have blocked the curse. Nothing blocks them." She is right, but I could have saved you. I could have jumped in front of you and you would be here instead of me. Those unforgiveable curses are truly unforgiveable._

_ Do you remember some of the stuff we used to do to Ron and the rest of the family when we were younger, Freddie? Some of my__favourite__things would have to include the time we set off that Dungbomb under great-aunt Muriel's chair, when we turned Ron's little teddy bear into a giant spider, giving Ron that Acid Pop that burnt the hole in his tongue, and especially when we nearly tricked the git into making an Unbreakable Vow._

_ Sometimes I wonder if we had of done some things differently when we were younger if you'd still be alive now. One of the things I've always wondered about is what if we had of successfully pushed Percy into that pyramid in Egypt._

_ All of my best memories have been with you Fred. I know if you were sitting here right now, Fred, you'd be telling me about your__favourites. Good thing I already know a few. Your absolute favourite would be in our sixth year right before the Triwizard Tournament. We were enraged that Dumbledore wouldn't let any underage wizard enter, but we didn't listen. We created a plan that would allow us to cross the age line that Dumbledore himself drew around the Goblet of Fire. We created an aging potion that would age us a few months and when we drank it and hopped over that line, it promptly threw us out and we began to grow beards._

_ Another one would be when we ditched Hogwarts in our seventh year to go open our shop and wrecked havoc on "Headmistress" Umbridge. Those were some of our best pranks that we pulled off that day and as quite a few students told us, Peeves followed our instructions very thoroughly._

_ It's been three and a half years now since you death and even now, I still can't make a Patronus. I'll probably never be able to do so again, because like I've already said, all of my best memories are with you. It's just too painful to use those._

_ You probably aren't watching down on me every second of every day, so I'm going to tell you what's happened since you left us._

_ Harry defeated Voldemort and the world is now once again, peaceful. Ron and Hermione got married and so did Harry and Ginny. Hermione went back to Hogwarts to finish her NEWTs with Gin's year, but Harry and Ron didn't. Kingsley is the new Minister for Magic and let Harry become an Auror without completing his NEWTs because of what he did in the battle. Ron has joined me in working at our shop in Diagon Alley. Don't worry though. He'll never replace you. He doesn't appreciate jokes as much as you did Fred. I miss that._

_ You'll never guess this next bit, Freddie. You ready? I'm married. Angelina and I got married a year and a half ago. I hope you don't mind, seeing as how she's your ex-girlfriend and all. We already have a child too, his name is Fred. We named him after you. Even though he's only seven months old, he's already acting like you. He's a mini Fred, through and through. I almost forgot. Angelina and I want another child, a girl this time. We're thinking of naming her Roxanne. What do you think?_

_ Do you remember when we used to finish each other's sentences? I miss that. I've tried to see if other people will do it… but they won't._

_ Know what Freddie? I've never told anyone this before, not even my wife. I can't look in the mirror anymore. Why? It reminds me that I look like you._

_ As you can see, I've never really gotten over your death. I never will either. It would be an insult to your memory._

_ I'm sending this letter off with an old owl, in hopes that in its quest to find the living you, it will find the spirit you instead, where you, just like me now, are "saint like"._

_ Love,_

_ George._

By the time I've finished writing, it's almost dark out. I didn't even realize I had all of that still held up in me. I put my elbows on the table and rest my face in my hands, rubbing at my eyes from which tears were leaking out. That whole time I was writing, that wave of realization really hit me. He really was gone. He never will come back.

After calming myself down enough so that I could see through my swollen eyes without my vision being obstructed by tears, I walk over to the window and call out for the owl that is usually used just to send letters back and forth from Mum to the shop. The last letter was sent here, so she should still be here.

Ellie comes to the window, wearily and hold out her leg. I tie the letter to her neatly and whisper to her to go and find Fred Weasley, my twin. Ellie is very old and this would be the perfect journey to rid her pain, and mine. I guess that's why they call it window pane.

Mum and a few others come in the room and see me standing at the window watching Ellie fly away. "You did it?" Mum asks, intently watching the tears still running down my face.

All I can do is nod, so that's what I do.

She pulls me into one of her motherly, bone crushing hugs and begins to sob on my shoulder as the others come farther into the room to give me hugs as well. "I knew you could do it, Georgie. Did it make you feel any better?"

I have to think for a minute before answering her question, but when I do, the answer surprises me. "Yes, it feels like all the pain is lifted, it's like he's in a safe place now. Nothing can harm him there and that makes me feel the best out of anything."

The last words to that sentence are not spoken out loud. I speak them in my mind to Fred, directly. _And I know that soon enough, you'll be there to guide me home. _


End file.
